It’s amazing how some people past the time by coming up with the oddest ideas. The guy in the video actually lights a candle by lighting his fart on fire. Yes I said he lights a candle by starting his fart on fire.
Source: Fire Fart - Google Video
I came across this hilarious site. Mind you some of them are kinda dirty but there still hilarious. So if your into jokes and a good laugh go to this site.
Now this is amusing. This is one way to deal with your children if you find them stealing.
Source (image): Yo Mama
Zek and Luke went to a trucking company to apply for a “Team” truck driving job. The personnel manager decided, after talking to them both that they weren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer. He decides to interview them separately. He first interviews Zek. After 15 minutes he completes the interview. Zek barely passes. Next he interviews Luke. He begins by asking the usual transportation related questions. Luke also barely passes.
The personnel manager next interview them together. He presents them with this potential problem: Now Zek and Luke, lets say that you two are a driving team. One of you is driving the rig and the other is asleep in the back. You are going down this very steep hill with sixty thousand pounds of steel on the truck. All of a sudden your breaks go out and your speed is increasing. What would be the first thing you’d do ?
About a minute passes and there was no answer. Then, all of a sudden Luke spoke up.
“I know, I know, I know the first thing I’d do”. The personnel manager says “yes Luke, what is the first thing you’d do?” Luke says, “I’d wake Zek up.” The personnel manager replies, “WHAT ! “Why would wake Zek up ?”
Coos, says Luke, “He ain’t never seen no big accident before!”
Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said “You know - it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”
To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn’t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn’t serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn’t serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, “How in the world do you know I am a blonde?”
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,”That’s not a TV — it’s a microwave!”
* Owner’s handbooks would have over 1300 pages and weigh over 3 pounds.
* Certain features would be unavailable on test drives (e.g. speeds exceeding 20Km/h, reverse gear, heater, etc).
* Guarantees would disclaim all promises that the cars were usable for travel.
* Opening the car door for the first time would signal acceptance of the guarantee terms.
* There would be a special “General car fault” indicator on the dash board.
* The car could only drive 5% of the roads, 10% of the time, without crashing.
* The steering wheel would have to be reinstalled every ten months.
It’s never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addiction, or a hard-core computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn’t as painful as kidney stones. Here’s how:
Let go of the mouse.
Turn off the computer.
Play a game of solitaire with a real deck of cards.
Eat something other than taco chips.
Fart without recording it and putting it up your Web page.
Get some sleep in bed rather than on your keyboard.
Next time you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, don’t tell everyone on your ICQ list about it.
Open a window without turning your computer back on (yes, it is possible). Very gradually expose your eyes to increasingly bright light so as to avoid damage or permanent sun blindness.
When you feel prepared for a massive dose of non-CRT radiation, put on welding goggles and go outside.
If you see someone, say “Hi” to them instead of trying to make the modem connect sound.
Visit a friend that you haven’t spoken to in years because they don’t have an email address.
Have “.com” officially removed from behind your name. Go on a date with someone you didn’t meet in a chat room.
The following is a conversation overheard as Bill Gates was moving into his new house…
Bill: “There are a few issues we need to discuss.”
Contractor: “Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?”
Bill: “Uh, yeah… the first issue is the living room. We think its a little smaller than we anticipated.”
Contractor: “Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date.”
Bill: “We won’t be able to fit all our furniture in there.”
Contractor: “Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use a Stacker.”
Bill: “Stacker?”
Contractor: “Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch… the chairs on the table… etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then put it back when you’re done.”
Bill: “Uh… I dunno… issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won’t fit. The threads run the wrong way.”
Contractor: “Oh! That’s easy. Those bulbs aren’t plug and play. You’ll have to upgrade to the new bulbs.”
Bill: “And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not rectangular. How do I fix that?”
Contractor: “Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system.”
Bill: “You’re kidding!?”
Contractor: “Nope. Its the only way.”
Bill: ” Well… I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won’t stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers don’t work.”
Contractor: “That’s a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other fixtures.”
Bill: “And how do I fix that?”
Contractor: “Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the house and then you can get back to work.”
Bill: “That’s the last straw. What kind of product are you selling me?”
Contractor: “Hey, if you don’t like it nobody made you buy it.”
Bill: “And when will this be fixed?”
Contractor: “Oh, in your next house — which will be ready to release sometime near the end of next year. Actually it was due out this year, but we’ve had some delays…”
I heard this story on the news sometime ago.
Apple had a new computer under development. Their project name for it was “Carl Sagan” (I don’t know why).
When the real Carl Sagan learned about this, he was upset. He demanded that Apple stop using his name, even for their private, internal projects.
Apple agreed. They changed the name of the project to “Butthead Astronomer”.
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted about Strong Bad. He’s still around and the creators of Strong Bad are still pumping out new skits. You can check out the latest skit called “Do Over“. It’s pretty good. I like the one previously released more called “Garage Sale“. If you are interested in a good laugh make sure to check out Strong Bad Email on a regular bases.
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I ask you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”
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Copyright © 2004 - 2005 by Adam Douglas
